When your faith is stretched so thin that you can see straight through your soul

What do you do when your dream comes true? The dream that you thought about every day, the dream you always prayed about, the dream you were convinced would never come true because something that special, something that beautiful couldn't possibly happen to you. The dream you took solace in dreaming anyway. The dream that others knew about, but at the same time, didn't know about just how deep that dream went within you.

Saturday night mine came true. I finally met Kristian Bush and Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland. It was probably the most amazing minute of my life, which I'm sure sounds so strange and probably funny to most people. But to me, in that one minute that I was right there talking to them, my dream was right there, it was right in front of me. And I'll forever have those memories and the picture with them.

It's 3 days later and I haven't stopped thinking about it all. And I keep trying to push aside this empty feeling that is absorbing my head and my heart. But it's there, I know it is. I want to go back to Saturday because it was finally a day I didn't have to worry. I didn't have to worry about getting to class on time. I didn't have to worry about paying attention in class. I didn't have to worry about what assignments I had due. I didn't have to worry about questioning myself as to whether or not I could handle everything and get it done. I didn't have to worry about my family not having enough money. I didn't have to worry about not getting a job when I graduate. I didn't have to worry about being alone in my apartment and how lonely I feel here in general. I didn't have to worry about not really having any friends here at school. I didn't have to worry about how once again I don't have the best friend I thought I finally had.

What I did have was some old friends and some newer ones. I did have music. And I did have Jennifer, Kristian and my dream.

But now all those things are gone except for the music. So now what do I do? Is it selfish for me to want to have all that again? Is it wrong of me to want to meet Sugarland again and be able to spend another minute talking to them, especially when there are so many other people who haven't been able to experience what I just experienced? I think right now besides emptiness I feel guilt. I feel so guilty for wanting to meet them again more than anything. I feel awful that I can't just be satisfied with the amazing gift God literally gave me the other night.

So I guess for now I just let the tears fall as I wrestle with that confliction, while at the same time, holding onto the newest portion of my dream with both hands and whole heart.