I close my eyes one more hopeless times and open them to find I'm still not dreaming

I've always had the uncanny ability to overhear things that I was never meant to hear in that moment, or ever. Most of the time I'm undiscovered but that wasn't the case tonight.

I overheard my aunt on the phone, which is nothing unusual. I swear my Aunt Anne knows everyone within the city of Albany and countless others throughout the rest of the country. I'd heard my name mentioned so I went over behind her as she finished up her conversation. She told the person on the other end she hoped that their appointment went well tomorrow. She hung up the phone and turned to find me there. My eyes must have been confused and curious because she came out and told me the truth.

Carolyn's cancer is back. My oldest cousin. I am so upset. That statement is way too simple to actually describe what I'm feeling, but it's the least painful to type I guess. This is the second time something like this has happened within the last 8 months. They'd finally cleared her in September. But now it's back. The last time I saw her was in August. I saw her a record 3 times this summer. Usually I would be able to say I'm 99.9% sure I'd be seeing her Memorial Day or Fourth of July of this year. Now? I'm not sure what to say or even think right now.

Again, I have this overwhelming feeling to see her. To talk to her. To make sure she's ok. Let her know I want her to be ok. Though in my head it's more of a selfish need. I have this gnawing feeling to tell her how much I miss her, how much I wish there weren't 25 years between us and that we'd gotten to spend more time together, that I love her. Alot.

But I can't. I tried to tell her I loved her once before I was leaving the lake. She wouldn't really look at me or hug me afterwards when I tried to say goodbye. I don't want to freak her out. That's the last thing she needs.